Budget
Tonight I decided not to write
a poem. Instead, I would do
my budget. So here I am
bills scattered across the floor
like forgotten letters and I fail
to remember which is which
and how much the last
year has cost me to keep my
head out of my head and just
about how long can I go
with this before I cannot.
I met a man I shouldn't have
He had palms in such contrast
with yours, I wanted to know what
it is like to not touch you.
I promised you I would stop
the first time I had a man over.
I met a man who is not you
and I told him all the things
about you. He laughed when
I said I burnt my tongue
on your fingertips
so I took him in my mouth
and forgot his name.
Maybe the tongue is a landmine
or an old forest, gathering snow
after being burnt to ground.
Infatuation
Every time I weigh a word
it says too little or too much
never enough to portray
you as a jigsaw puzzle. I try to
sketch you with poetry
about the way I cling
to your words to describe
your ever changing faces.
I don’t know how to sieve love
from indurate loneliness of
unnerving crowds. I don’t know
how to differentiate you from
the chaos of my hallucinations
But when I try to look through you,
you knock the sense out of me.
Abhyuday is a poet living in Delhi and even though they wish otherwise, loss, love, and queerness remain the primary concerns in their poetry. Their writings have been featured in Scoopwhoop, NDTV, Muse India, and more recently in 'The World That Belongs To Us - An Anthology of queer poetry from south asia'. They are currently working as a communication and strategy specialist in the field of CSR and Diversity and Inclusion. Find his work on Instagram.
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